Christmas Eve

I am sitting at the computer wondering if tomorrow will be all my children hope it will be. I know I will be disappointed because it never is what I hope it to be. I have decided that my own wonderful memories of Christmas Eve and Christmas morning have put an unfair twist on my expectations. I remember driving around looking at the lights on Christmas Eve and listening to Christmas music and Santa Watch on the radio, with such fondness. We skipped that this year because Nathan was throwing up again today and the boys fight every single time they get in the car. I remember Christmas morning seeming like a miracle to me. I always got something I asked Santa for and that was enough, everything else was just bonus. My boys did not even make a list for Santa this year. Though I prompted them to and asked repeatedly what they wanted for Christmas. They each finally told me 2 or 3 things but them proceeded to tell their Grammy the same things. So that left me and Santa with no idea what they really would be happy to unwrap. I probably overdid it trying to figure it out, but I so want them to have happy Christmas memories like mine. It is so hard to buy for 5 kids on a very limited budget and make each present special. I guess I have an unrealistic fantasy of my children actually being on their best behavior for 2 days and being happy to indulge their mom in singing along with the radio as we look at lights, watching a Christmas movie together and hushed whispering of what the big guy in red might bringing in his magic sack. Sometime I think we should chuck the whole presents thing and just take the boys to Disney World for 5 days. I would probably be less stressed.